Gambling is back....

Now...I just started gambling again. This such a bad thing for me, but when you live as close as you do to a casino, it's only a matter of time until the casino catches. I didn't pretty well, lasting as long as I did. But Im glad that I got back into it and if i didn't live (let's say 30 minutes) away from casino, I would probably have saved myself alot of money.

I recently got into this game of roulette. Interesting game, your life, your freakin money all depends on the a ball and there are so many factors that play into tihs game. Antying from amount of time between spins, the rotational velocity of the both the ball and spinny thing where the numbers lay and of course angular velocity. This is game that really intrigues me the most because as much as it is random...sometimes ( and I mean on a pale blue moon), you can guess patterns. This is something you cannot do in craps. I have nothing against craps and hands down, i would play craps if I didn't care about my money. It's a more fun game to play because every is with you, everyone is root for you (a few against). In roulette, its all about guess and guess at the right time. I like to play the 1st, 2nd, 3rd 12's and at first I was getting good at it, but as the patterns changed...so did it. My mind played tricks saying if it lands on X 4 times, its got to land on Y or Z. It's insanity is what caused me to lost money a couple of times and others because of pure utter shitty luck. Let's take the past 2 days as a good example, I mean this is the time when the game would let him linger for a while, but i would eventually lose my chips. The only thing I really liked about roulette is the 2:1 payout that really a rare to have in craps. I haven't done the math yet, but i think probability is also higher. I did spend alot of money these past couple days on gambling and it's alot more than I usual lose. I think to think of gambling as something fun to do, Im not really trying to win because if I wanted to do that, I would of bet harder and faster and then get my money and leave. Im a grinder, my way for playing is like grind it out. Fight through the hard times and cruise past the easy ones. I don't ever think I will win more than a 100 dollars in one night but I am certain I will easily lose 150 without breaking a sweat. Which also brings me to my second problem....I don't like to lose. I mean nothing in this world do I hate to do than lose. Even when I play madden I lose 10000 to 6, I'll be like.."dude you used gameshark and I will reading this magazine about this hot chick". I just won't never admit defeat. And for casino's, they must love me. Because when I lose I will try again. That is only way I will lost more than a 100 bucks. Actually, If i happen to have a 100 bucks in my pocket...that too is gone. I also have a problem of letting me know when is when. Now that I starting to realize that the house always win, but I need to when is a good time to cut my losses and leave. Ride the high, Cut the Lows. and it's so hard because you are tempted. You are tempted to just put down that money and be like "okay...maybe this is it" .....and you lose more money. Yesterday, I admit total defeat. Not only did I lose 130 bucks, but what sucks more is the fact that I was up 70 bucks. thats a change of 200 bucks. Then I got to atm and pull out for money because Im so mad and I don't care of the outcome. I leave with 20 in my pocket losing another 40 bucks.

I went back to casino today, nothing thinking of a different approach. Im thinking make little money and get out. well, I started down and (thank god I left my CC's in the car) and by the time I had enough luck to get me back, I should of just closed out and left. There was no point in me playing. I say, if you are down from the start then you will spend half your time catching up and you won't make any money. I am dissapointed that I lost, but Im not too mad. Before i left, I through down my last 5 bucks and when i lost, I just turned around and walked away and I had a smile on my face. Maybe because I accepted defeat. Maybe because Death is near. I don't know. In terms of my financial situation, my bills for the entire month of October were paid off. So I Didn't have to worry about that and I got paid at midnight so I still a good amount of money and that's the other reason why I wasn't mad. I just word 40 days for 3 weeks and so I had some money laying around. I wish I could of looked into the past and knew I would blow 260 bucks in a matters of days because then I would of played blackjack or bet all of it on 3.

Speaking of blackjack....dude..

what made me get my money back was actually pretty fucking funny. There was a guy next to me sitting on another table playing black jack 21 for 50 bucks a hand min. but except he was playing 500 bucks a hand. He first bet 40 25's chips lost it all then put down 2 stacks of 5 100's and then played 2 hands at a time. every manager was watching this guy and you can see the hair's on his head turn whiter and whiter...well he turn those chips into fucking 40 100's and 20 mintues later 40 100's was now 40 500's. do you have any idea how much that is.....and then he was playing the max bet allowed...5000 per hand. Every table near by was so astonished that I completely forgot I was playing. I just threw my money on whatever and I was making money. well...he changed tables soon because of all the people watching and had to concentrate on game and of course.....you know the outcome.

I did like my system for roulette, but whatever system you have....sheer randomness does beat any type of derived pattern any day.

I'm going to stop going 2-3 times a week to just once a week if I have money and I have no bills to play. I hope to fix my deficit in the next 2 months and I'm going to do it with little chips at a time or.....if Im up like 25 bucks and an hour passed, I will play with that 25 all out and try to make huge gain because it's pointless playing with your money.

If you are ever up at some point...EVER...this is time to realize that your peak is coming up...take what ever original money you put in...put that in your pocket and the profit is up to you to spend.

If you become stupid like tomiya....just tell yourself...it's only money.